There is an place in my life
called the Edge of Unknowing.
I have stood at this edge
and stared into the canyon below,
seeing only darkness, confusion, and chaos.
I have teetered on this ledge
and felt my footing slip against the loose rocks-
watching them plunge into the chasm below
fearful that all of me would soon follow
Down, down, down into the bottomless void.
I grasped tightly to some scrub brush and clawed the earth’s soil.
I reached out and pulled upon a sapling branch
and exerting all my strength, clung to the world for dear life…..
How long did I remain thus?
I really cannot say
Time has a strange way of folding back upon itself
A week? A month? A day?
My perception is that it lasted an eternity
But this I know is not so
For here I now stand
recalling it as if from a time long ago.
What I can recount to you is this :
Somehow the earth became firmer
and the struggling to hold fast ceased.
Somehow, I was able to loosen my grip
and in some way I don’t quite understand,
to hoist myself up and sit on the edge
Quietly dangling my feet into the void
simply sitting instead……being present, prayerful,
until the sleeping sun began to rise
Illuminating the canyon with iridescent light……
The edge is much less frightening to me now.
I still walk this precipice
heel toeing my way along with outstretched arms,
occasionally peering into the crevices
Where my vision is obscure.
What lies beneath in the shadows where I cannot see?
I have no idea, yet what I do have is a new trust.
I trust that my footing is sound,
I trust that I will not falter.
I trust that if someone pushes me
either deliberately or accidentally,
that there is Something and Someone
Who will break my fall.
I trust that I cannot hit the bottom so hard that
I could not pick myself up, and dust myself off, and breathe…..
I trust the One who guides at the edge of unknowing,
Who attended me through the dark night of fear,
while angels sang songs of provision
until my demand for all knowing disappeared.
I trust this Great God of all knowledge,
Who holds my existence in His hands
and reminds me that this life is a mystery
which unfolds from the shadow lands.
It is here at the edge of unknowing
where a whispered invitation extends
“Will you trust me with all that your life is?”
The answer, each from his own heart, must remand.
July 2013